Just In Jest

Cloning Zindabad

By DN VERMA

The whole world it seems is up in arms against ‘Dolly,’ the cute little sheep, a Scottish scientist duplicated. He did something that only God does. He did not make a man out of monkey, that Darwin did. He did not make a fool of others, the politicians do that. He did not make a monkey out of a man that some say, wives do with their husbands. He simply cloned a sheep and produced exactly a similar one.

That has set a powerful section of leadership, including the most powerful politician and administrator, the President of the United States Bill Clinton, against the idea and possibilities of cloning human beings. Why is he so afraid of that happening? Obviously he thinks just one Bill is enough to face so many inquiries and scandals and just one Hillary Rodham is a little too much to handle.

But what is the harm is duplicating?

You do it on typewriters, make carbon copies. You do now on computers, with ease, making copies after copies. You want your son or daughter to be just like you--thinking that you are the paragon of all that is good in this world and you are the ideal parent worth emulating. So where is the harm in duplicating your own self?

It seems India’s United Front Government under Inder Kumar Gujral has not taken a stand on cloning. Probably the Congress President’s controversial election and the Janata Dal Chief’s litigious poll have prevented the Congress Working Committee and the UF Steering Committee to take up this issue of much importance to them; they have not realized the benefits of cloning, duplicating for the furtherance of the interest of these parties. BJP, also for some reason has not made up its mind. They must be scared of the prospect of two or more Vaghelas.

However, some covert operations are going on in India about this new and fascinating research and its benefits.

I have intercepted a letter (you know how it is done via Internet) addressed to President Clinton, who is among the Heads of States opposing cloning, at least for the next five years.

The letter is sent from Bihar. The name of the sender was messed up and I could not decipher correctly. It read something like Oolal Dasarp Vaday. What an odd name I thought, but then it’s not my problem.

The letter is an appeal to Bill Clinton not to oppose cloning.

I reproduce the letter as I saw it:

"Pyare Mister Clinton:

Hum kahin, why you oppose cloning? I know it is not clowning. If you duplicate, you are safe. If they say you go to court for Paula Jones, you say I am not that Bill. The other Bill was there. You say the other Bill permitted illegal fund-raising for your party, you did not. Understand!

Hum aaye rahin Amreeka, but did not meet you, otherwise Hum tell you personally. Next time Hum meet you and tell you more.

In Hindustan, Hum will order big plan to duplicate people. They will double Humare voter.

Hum will address double election meeting, one Hum go, one Humare double go. See the fun.

CBI charge sheet Oolal. Hum kahin Hum oo Oolal nahin. Other Oolal. Now CBI and courts fail. Hum Bihar only no, Hum raj on Delhi, full India. People with Hum, Hum with people. Go on duplicating, cloning, after cloning. No fodder scam, only cloning and cloning. Deve Gowda, Sharad Yadav don’t know this secret, you know! You raise slogan: Cloning Zindabad! Cloning for lower class, backward class, social justice.

Hum kahin, Humare minister resigning. No worry. Hum cloning and cloning more ministers like Oolal. Big Cabinet and all Humare minister.

So Pyare Mister Clinton, change your decision on cloning. Budget more for more cloning, more duplicating. You will know advantage. You change Constitution for third term for President. If they say no more than two, you say that was other Bill, this is other Bill. Cloning Zindabad!"

The letter ended with some kind of advice about Hillary Rodham Clinton that was garbled. I could not make out if it said something about which Bill Clinton sleeps in the White House and how Hillary would know. That seems to be utterly confusing and beyond me and I decided to stop right there. In any case, there are so many probes going on here also, why add one more.

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